The Most Silent Grief

Any Grey’s Anatomy fans reading? Well if you are one, you will know that the most recent episode was an emotional one. Grey’s did what it does best, mixed the fact with the fiction in a most gripping way.

For anyone not following the new series; spoiler alert; Bailey suffers a miscarriage. And in typical Grey’s fashion, the timing was not good, in the midst of a number of other disasters happening, so Bailey put on her Tough Bitch pants & got on with the show, saving everyone else, while she suffered through in silence.

Near the end, once everyone else was “fine”, she let go & let herself realise that she was not “fine”.

She broke & bawled. And I broke & bawled with her.

Now, ever since I had kids I cry on a regular basis watching TV, but this was different.

She played the part so well. It was like watching a friend go through it. And it was all too relatable to me, and so many other women all over the globe.

Pregnancy loss at any stage is something that can utterly break a woman. Physically, mentally, emotionally, every which way. It is a grief like no other.

Women & couples often feel like they are being over-dramatic when they feel that deep lingering sadness & emptiness that comes with the loss of a baby.

Women are told to buck up, get over it, get on with it, try again, it happens to loads of people, you’ll be grand… and other such statements that do nothing only drive the grief down even deeper.

I call it a silent grief because it often is silent. Women are expected back to work within days of the loss and/or the horrible surgical experience that can go with it.

Often when women lose a baby, people around them don’t even know that they were pregnant to begin with, so there isn’t the same empathy & care offered than there might be if you had lost a relative.

Even within couples it can be a silent grief. Men don’t know what to do or say. The woman is home from hospital, and he may not know that days or weeks later, she still has cramps, pain & bleeding, that on the inside, it is far from over.

It needs to be recognised that the grief of a pregnancy loss can go on for months, even years beyond the event itself. Women & couples need to be given space & time to grieve, and opportunities to share & discuss that grief.

To my friends who have gone through it, and are going through it; I think of you all the time. I understand your pain. I understand that even though the world has moved on & seemingly forgotten, that you haven’t, and that’s ok.

For anyone trying to support somebody through this grief, don’t let it be a silent grief for them, let them know you are thinking of them & that you are there to listen.

To my friends & family who supported me through my grief, thank you for going through it with me & not letting it be silent.

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